Boundaries Set and Held

I don’t know about you, but boundaries are tough for me.

Growing up, I learned that being a people pleaser kept me safe. My very early years were formed in a home where physical abuse was the norm. My father pretended he was the bare-knuckle boxer who considered my mom the human version of a heavy bag. Watching all of that as a small person, you just learn that making other people angry is dangerous. Just keep ‘em happy at all costs. Hurt feelings are far easier to live with than black eyes or broken bones.

My father is gone now. He left this mortal world at the age of 57, while I held his hand and his gaze. It took a really long time after that day for me to learn what kind of negative impacts that he had on my life, and then figure out how to start healing from them. I am still actively working on it.

People pleasing and teaching my body that I am safe are the two biggest lessons that I am working on. Both of those issues boil down to boundaries for me.

Boundaries. What I am willing to allow and not allow. Upholding those boundaries. Removing myself from situations where my boundaries are not upheld. This ruffles feathers. Ruffled feathers feel like anger. Anger feels like danger. Danger feels like hiding, or people pleasing.

So you can see where it becomes a never-ending cycle if those boundaries are not upheld.

I am finally at a point in my life and my self-love journey where I love and honor myself enough to find where my boundaries are, where they need to be, and upholding them—even when my body literally shakes, my voice quivers, and there are tears in my eyes.

I’m not going to lie to you. It is terrifying. Even when the boundary is something small.

But I will also tell you that every upheld boundary is a celebration. It is a small success that means everything. It builds confidence. It builds strength. It shores up all the other boundaries that need upholding.

It is a different level of protection that builds us up, where shrinking and people pleasing can tear us down.

As I continue to find, set, and uphold my own boundaries, I encourage you to do the same. It is hard work, but I promise it is worth it.

Much love,
Lady Misty